he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
