I wish they made helmets for livers.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
