I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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