so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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