the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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