Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Randomize
