Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
