Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
