This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
