Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
