you traded sex for a burrito?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize