Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Randomize
