there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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