My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Im part way to drunk.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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