No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
sex in a hospital.. check
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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