I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Randomize
