idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
