thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
