When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
