Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
