Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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