Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
