if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
