He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I've blown a few things in my day
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
