the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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