Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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