Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
