i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
