the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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