i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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