Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
As shirtless as possible
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
