I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Randomize
