I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
This beer is not sobering me up at all
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
