The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
