you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
