Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
