her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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