we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
