she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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