I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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