What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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