i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
