My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
