This girl is more easily done than said...
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's rum buckets o'clock
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
