the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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