i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize