Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
