Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
