Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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