1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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