you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
3 2 1 whiskey
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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