Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Betty ford says i'm here all night
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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