i think my tv is drunk
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
