direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
