Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
