In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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