I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Randomize
