Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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