What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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