wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
