I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
