I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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