driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
