Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
