So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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