naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
i think my cat just said my name.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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