she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
be right there i have to get my cape
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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