Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
only if we run a train.
done.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
