Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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