that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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