Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
