you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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