so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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